Tag Archives: success at life

Yielding & Flexibility

Wisdom requires that you must be able to change perspectives when circumstances change. You must be flexible and willing to yield. There is a belief among Sovereign cultivators that it is important to be moderate and avoid absoluteness and rigidity of perspective.

One of the pitfalls of absolutism is that it is inflexible. When something is inflexible, it becomes too rigid and cannot change with its environment. For example, if a tree is flexible and it can bend with the force of each wind gust it tends to survive longer. Trees that are too rigid or too brittle will break when moved by the changing direction of the wind.

Being open-minded allows the assimilation of new data. An absolute perspective is inflexible and stunts growth and innovation. In your personal life, an absolute view will become your prison. So, for the sake of pragmatism, open your mind to the possibilities that are waiting for your discovery.

Wisdom is found in the understanding that most things you perceive in life are changing and impermanent…

From Chapter 8, Yielding and Flexibility.

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Be Honest With Your “self”

Self Honesty Opens The Door To The True Path

 

The Strategy: Be honest with yourself. Take ownership of your life, where you are, and how you got there. To change your life from one of struggle into one of success requires and honest and accurate self assessment. Pay attention to the voice of ego.

Its Application: Being honest with anyone, whether it is yourself or others is only possible when we transcend the influence of the ego mind. Free from the opinion of others, practicing acceptance of how things really are, admitting fault and mistakes is the true self turning adversity into wisdom. The true self learns from experience. The ego sticks to ignorance.

 

Tao Te Ching: Chapter 71

To know that you do not know is the highest

To not know but think you now is flawed

 

Only when one realizes fault as fault

Can one be without fault

 

The sages are without fault

Because they recognize fault as fault

That is why they are without fault. 

Self honesty opens the door to self exploration. If we cannot be honest about our ignorance and mistakes, we cannot become free of them. The ego being vain and insecure must pretend to be the highest and most adept, especially when it is not the case. When are able to free ourselves from the ego and return to the true self, we can admit that we don’t know. In that admission we open the door to wisdom and allow ourselves to see wisdom.

Ignorance is repeating the same behaviors and experiencing the same suffering while at the same time refusing to change or let go. Wisdom is the higher understanding of acceptance of not knowing yet seeking realization and being willing to change. If ignorance is a prison for the spirit, ego is the gatekeeper. When we admit our lack of adherence and understanding, we become humble. Humility is the very powerful virtue that releases us from the clinging to ignorance. 

If we view fault as an unsavory or unsatisfactory feature, then through self honesty we can admit our faults. Humility is the power to admit faults so that we can overcome them. Think of some area of your behavior where you have fault and notice any resistance to accepting that in fact it is there. If you can successfully see and admit your fault, you are seeing life as the true self.

Being honest with ourselves also includes not being too hard on ourselves. The important aspect is see things as they really are. We are called to become at one with the underlying reality. If we are with fault we recognize this. If we are not at fault, we can recognize this as well.  Self assessment must be grounded in truth.

In each moment, in each now, we have choices to make which shape our destiny. This means in each moment we are choosing either the path of ignorance or the path of harmony. We can create our own suffering or we can create our own fulfillment. It begins with admitting when you do not know and when we have fault. Knowing comes through wisdom, and harmony is realized when we accept when we do not know and when we have fault. This is done through self awareness and alignment with the Tao. 

Not being honest is living in an illusion that is generated by the ego. Thus one can begin to understand that the true path cannot be found and maintained if we are blinded by illusion and non-truth. Ignorance and illusion are both perspectives of the ego. The true path can only be seen through eyes of honesty and virtue. It awaits us all and will magically rise before us when we enter into wisdom. This is the true path, the way.

 

Strategy Number 30: Be Independent From The Good Or Bad Opinion Of Others

Become Independent From the Good or Bad Opinion Of Others

The Strategy: Free yourself from the influence of what other people think of you.
Its Application: Sovereignty of self is true power. This is especially true when we can become free from the opinion of others. The true self follows the moderate path of wisdom and virtue. The ego is either striving for acceptance and the good opinion from others or it is striving to avoid the bad opinion from others. Either way, this striving influences the decisions and choices that create one’s destiny. The Tao cultivator works on being free from this ego trait and through virtue (such as the three treasures) will find and keep harmony and balance in a successful life.

Non Virtuous Trait: Dependence on the good opinion of others

Tao Te Ching: Chapter 13

Favor and Disgrace make one fearful
The greatest misfortune is the self
What does “favor and disgrace make one fearful” mean ?
Favor is high, disgrace is low
Having it makes one fearful
Losing it makes one fearful
This is “favor and disgrace makes one fearful”

What does “the greatest misfortune is the the self” mean?
The reason I have great misfortune
Is that I have the self
If I have the self
What misfortune do I have

So one who values the self as the world
Can be given the world
One who loves the self as the world
Can be entrusted with the world</blockquote>

So many of us frivolously use up a lot of energy on the worry of what others are going to think about us. The description “frivolously” is used because this such a self indulgence. This Self of course meaning the ego. When we allow our self esteem to rest on the foundation of what others think we set ourselves up for a lose/lose result. Either way we become dependent on an illusion that cannot be sustained. Those of us whose happiness is placed on what others think will always be disappointed. The ego mind can be become trapped between the seeking the good opinion of others or trying desperately to avoid the bad opinion of others.

The ego is very sensitive to criticism. So that any negative opinion becomes a kind of false truth that can be used to manipulate someone who is living a life dominated by the ego self. For the ego mind, self worth is based on what others think. This will be experienced as “misfortune” and suffering. If we have based our ego self esteem on the good opinion of others, we worry about losing it. If we have not yet gained the good opinion of others, we strive to obtain it. Striving leads to misdirection of destiny and suffering.

Striving is distracted action for ego results. It is a waste of energy thus it is a waste of our most precious resource. Wu Wei is the virtue to follow. Wu Wei is unattached action or action without striving. Dependence upon the good or bad opinion of others sets us up for striving. The Tao cultivator upholds dignity by holding to constancy. Constancy of the true self is the maintaining the balance between spiritual and physical. By following virtue and wisdom, the true self avoids the traps of the ego self and choices are altruistic. The Tao cultivators is upheld in the community because of wisdom and dignity and it happens effortlessly.

Yet we do not have cast out our ego self. It is a part of who we are. As Tao cultivators we seek balance which raises harmony. When we are self aware, that is when we are aware of the ego feelings of seeking that good or bad opinion we can step back, let this striving go and be actualized as the higher self. When we are mindful of ego and observe a state of worry over what the opinion of others might be, we can let go and return to the independence of the true self. In balance we can be aware of those opinion yet not be dominated by them. It can be useful to have a good opinion from others yet, we cannot allow ego place a prerequisite for happiness, fulfillment and self worth on them.

As Tao cultivators we stay connected to others, we are aware of those opinions for what they are worth but not controlled by them. As leaders in our community, we are aware of what other feel and think about us but we would not foreclose what we know to be moral and right. There is a balance to be found in regulating the ego mind and the value we place on what others think. Returning to spirit, we free ourselves of dependency on the good or bad opinion of others.

Strategy Number Three – The Power Of Choice

The Power of Choice

Strategy: Developing strategies one and two, meditation and mindfulness empower one to pay attention in a non judgmental and balanced way. Now that you are paying attention, realize that your choices are creating your life. Reactions of ego are not true choices, they are just reactions. True choice is realized only by the true self. In this way you are creating your life along the true path. The strategy here is the base your choice of experience, wisdom, and virtue.

Application. Learn meditation, practice mindfulness, and realize the power of choice. Choose each step with wisdom. Choose moderation and find balance. Balance the physical with the spiritual by following wisdom and virtue over ego and desire. Virtues are overlapping and support each other. Patience harmonizes with Wu Wei (unattached action, non striving). Wu Wei harmonize non attachment, Non attachment supports acceptance. Acceptance opens the door for compassion. Compassion opens the door to forgiveness. It goes on and on, each virtue connected in the tapestry of mystic virtue. Mystic virtue is the mystery of mysteries, the door to all wonders.

Tao Te Ching
Chapter 33
Those who understand others are intelligent
Those who understand themselves are enlightened

Those who overcome others have strength
Those who overcome themselves are powerful

Those who know contentment are wealthy
Those who proceed vigorously have willpower

Those who do not lose their base endure
Those who die but do not perish have longevity

In this context, let us define choice as the ability to select from a number of possibilities. The intention in this strategy and its application is to help you realize the power of choice. We do not have to make uninformed reactive choices. Reaction of ego is the illusion of choice that is experienced is guided by desire and non virtuous emotions and thinking.

If you have not yet read the section and chapters regarding ego, it might be useful to do so now. The nature of ego is to be impatient and self serving. More importantly, its nature is to react to what it perceives. Moment by moment we perceived aspect of life as it unfolds. In any given moment, something will arise that that will prompt the ego to define and react. The definition and corresponding reactions fall into a wide spectrum of responses. None of these responses will be developed through patience or any virtue or wisdom. Ego desire will prompt the reaction of need and greed. Ego fear will react will anger, rage, and aggression. Ego pain will prompt the need for coping. In each case the ego reacts to what it perceives. We experience this every time someone or something pushes one of our buttons and we react. This auto response is so automatic, that choice is not available and reaction is automatic. Patience is a virtue of choice, we must transcend the absorption of ego to choose it. This is self control and self discipline. To choose the self must be aware of the act of choosing. This requires a moment of self awareness and being present which is not something ego can do.

Only by following strategy one and two, can you implement strategy 3. Only by becoming self aware (meditation) and paying attention to your mind (mindfulness) can you use wisdom and virtue to guide your choices. These choices create your life circumstances. The physical realm is always changing, and with it the circumstances you are or may be (distraction) perceiving. So life and reality just happen and you cannot control this. However you can control how if and how you react or respond to life circumstances.

The first choice is accepting life as it is. This is just the underlying reality of how things are. If you are self aware and paying attention you can remain detached from reaction before you become lost in it. In that moment, in that now when you perceive some ‘thing’ happening, you can choose what action if any, you might take. Remember, choice is the selecting from a number of possibilities.

Think about playing a game of chance. Maybe it is a card game, maybe it is a board game. One rolls the dice, spins a wheel and chance presents the result. In that moment, one can pay attention to the reactive mind. If the ego perceives that the results are not in accordance with desire and the need to win, the reaction begins to rise. Emotion such as resentment, frustration, anger will begin to bubble up. As the reaction matures is effects decision making and choice. Your next move, will effect the probability of future success. Interestingly, on a deeper level we know we should ignore emotion and frustration and use logic and strategy to choose the next move, the next strategy. Yet, for many of us, we react with reactive emotion. If one is playing cards and secrecy is part of the strategy, that success is lot when we slam the cards down in frustration.

This reaction is always relevant and present in sports. In these physical games, we blend physical form with spirit and logic in a competative attempt to average a higher performance. Yet notice how those who can self regulate and use self control over reactive emotion sometimes pull victory out of a certain loss. When competitors are so closely matched in physical abilities and training, the only difference is often one’s ability to manage emotion and raise the spirit (in case this means self morale). When one overcomes the certainty of defeat to win against the odds, one has “snatched the victory fro the jaws of defeat”. When one is a sure win but “chokes”, it can be said that one “snatches the defeat out of the jaws of victory”. In life strategy, it is no different. Self destruction is a behavior we do to ourselves; unnecessarily. Possibility and probably are many times maluable. They are shaped and guided by consciousness. When consciousness is absorbed by the lower ego mind, reaction becomes the guiding principle.

Possibility and probability are part of self aware universe. We can be unified with source and seek to realize the many perspectives. The many perspectives can inspire many possibilities. In the infinite now, which above the illusion of time, you can choose.

By transcending the ego view of reality we unify with the Tao. As spiritual beings we are called to unify with source. Here is a useful video clip to show a tangible application of how this works:

Watching this video, I am reminded of the first verse in Chapter 10

In holding the soul and embracing oneness
Can one be steadfast, without straying?
In concentrating the energy and reaching relaxation
Can one be like an infant?

Notice how Juno becomes present and unifies with source. This seemingly miraculous ability is available to us all. Rather than remain absorbed in despair and loss, we can “tune in” that is realize our true self and become the miracle that we ALL are.

But wait a minute you say. This is just a movie. Ok, here is a video of the same thing in real life.

 

Patience is a virtue that gives great power to choice. Often it is the first of many choices in choosing the next step in your true path. Being patient provides the infinite space for consideration of the many perspectives. You can assume a multi-perspective view to gain insight and understanding of the underlying reality of a given situation.

Then you can consider what virtue and what wisdom can you choose from to take the next step. In this context, we are considering the ancient wisdom of the Tao as communicated by Lao Tzu’s “Tao Te Ching”.

Yet you must realize that for the wisdom of the Tao to be available, you must be paying attention to mind-state (mindfulness – strategy 2). So in that moment, before choice is made, you can consider, “of all the choices I have before me, which and what do I choose?” Being self aware, being patient, what is the virtue that applies here? What is the wisdom that applies.? What have I learned from my past experience? What did I learn from past mistakes, that I do not want to repeat?”

Patience is a good start, Wu Wei is another virtue to practice before choosing. See the chapter on Wu Wei. Wu Wei is action without striving. So the consideration is … what action can be taken that is not one of strive, contention and conflict?

Choosing is the unifying with virtue and wisdom as the true self. The true self experiences life along the true path. In each now, experience is happening. If we are self aware, we are aware of the experience. Experiencing is the purpose of the physical life. We are spiritual beings experiencing life in the physical realm. When we become distracted we are disconnected from the true path. When we are disconnected from the spiritual realm then all that we can experience is the physical realm. When we are distracted, ego is in charge and the limited physical realm is all that we know. This is the path that is often experienced through suffering.

Yet suffering has an alternative perspective. If in suffering, we finally feel enough pain that we seek connection to source, the suffering experience becomes wisdom. When we have suffered enough, we seek our true self and the true path. Realizing (unity with underlying reality), and understanding who we really are, a spiritual being in this physical experience, we begin to understand our “self”. The true self along the true path. This is enlightenment. This the Tao.